Aggressive Toddler

How to help an aggressive toddler

There is nothing worse than when you're at the local park and you see your toddler hurt by another child. You can almost feel the slap, push or bite yourself. There is one thing that is almost as bad - seeing your own toddler use aggression and hurt someone else. Pushing, biting, scratching and hitting are all fairly common toddler behaviours, but it is something you can 'and should' deal with.

Why does my toddler hit?

The main reason your toddler may act out aggressively is simply because they can. They're testing the boundaries and it often feels good for them. They may also behave aggressively because they're frustrated, they're unable to verbalise how they feel or something is not happening the way they want it to. Your toddler may also just be tired, hungry or overstimulated.
As he grows, your toddler will be able to deal with these feelings more appropriately - but it's also important to show and explain to your toddler that aggressive behaviour, be it biting , slapping, hitting or pushing, is not the way to deal with things.

What can I do when my toddler hits?

The best way to deal with aggressive toddler behaviour is quickly, before he forgets about what he's done. Let him know that what he is doing is unacceptable and that there is a consequence to behaving badly.
Here are some steps to follow if your toddler is behaving aggressively at the playground:

• Jump in immediately and take him out of the situation.
• Give him time away from play (even just a minute), so that there is consequence for what he's doing. For example - one hit equals no fun time.
• Explain that what's he's doing is wrong and why.
• Take him back and make him apologise. Even if you have to do it for him (or if he has broken something or made a mess, make him help repair it or tidy up).
• Remain calm throughout.

Help your toddler develop other ways of behaving

At other times you can help your toddler forget aggression and develop good behaviours by praising him when he does the right thing "That's excellent sharing!". You can also talk about ways he can manage his anger or frustration instead of hitting or biting. "When someone makes you angry, try saying 'I don't like that' or just go somewhere else. This will help give him strategies to control his temper and frustration.

When toddler aggression gets worse

It's likely that, with your guidance, your toddler will soon grow out of his aggressive behaviour, but if it continues to be aggressive or becomes increasingly violent, you can get help. Visit your GP and explain what's going on. There may be a simple solution or you may need to see a psychologist, just remember there is support and help available.

Ten Keys to Successful Parenting

Ten Keys to Successful Parenting

It is important that we discipline in a way that teaches responsibility by motivating our children internally, to build their self-esteem and make them feel loved. If our children are disciplined in this respect, they will not have a need to turn to gangs, drugs, or sex to feel powerful or belong.
The following ten keys will help parents use methods that have been proven to provide children with a sense of well-being and security.

1 - Use Genuine Encounter Moments (GEMS)

Your child's self-esteem is greatly influenced by the quality of time you spend with him-not the amount of time that you spend. With our busy lives, we are often thinking about the next thing that we have to do, instead of putting 100% focused attention on what our child is saying to us. We often pretend to listen or ignore our child's attempts to communicate with us. If we don't give our child GEMS throughout the day, he will often start to misbehave. Negative attention in a child's mind is better than being ignored.
It is also important to recognize that feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are. So when your child says to you, "Mommy, you never spend time with me" (even though you just played with her) she is expressing what she feels. It is best at these times just to validate her feelings by saying, "Yeah, I bet it does feel like a long time since we spent time together."

2 - Use Action, Not Words

Statistics say that we give our children over 2000 compliance requests a day! No wonder our children become "parent deaf!" Instead of nagging or yelling, ask yourself, "What action could I take?" For example, if you have nagged your child about unrolling his socks when he takes them off, then only wash socks that are unrolled. Action speaks louder than words.

3 - Give Children Appropriate Ways to Feel Powerful

If you don't, they will find inappropriate ways to feel their power. Ways to help them feel powerful and valuable are to ask their advice, give them choices, let them help you balance your check book, cook all our part of a meal, or help you shop. A two-year-old can wash plastic dishes, wash vegetables, or put silverware away. Often we do the job for them because we can do it with less hassle, but the result is they feel unimportant.

4 - Use Natural Consequences

Ask yourself what would happen if I didn't interfere in this situation? If we interfere when we don't need to, we rob children of the chance to learn from the consequences of their actions. By allowing consequences to do the talking, we avoid disturbing our relationships by nagging or reminding too much. For example, if your child forgets her lunch, you don't bring it to her. Allow her to find a solution and learn the importance of remembering.

5 - Use Logical Consequences

Often the consequences are too far in the future to practically use a natural consequence. When that is the case, logical consequences are effective. A consequence for the child must be logically related to the behavior in order for it to work. For example, if your child forgets to return his video and you ground him for a week, that punishment will only create resentment within your child. However, if you return the video for him and either deduct the amount from his allowance or allow him to work off the money owed, then your child can see the logic to your discipline.

6 - Withdraw from Conflict

If your child is testing you through a temper tantrum, or being angry or speaking disrespectfully to you, it is best if you leave the room or tell the child you will be in the next room if he wants to "Try again." Do not leave in anger or defeat.

7 - Separate the Deed from the Doer

Never tell a child that he is bad. That tears at his self-esteem. Help your child recognize that it isn't that you don't like him, but it is his behavior that you are unwilling to tolerate. In order for a child to have healthy self-esteem, he must know that he is loved unconditionally no matter what he does. Do not motivate your child by withdrawing your love from him. When in doubt, ask yourself, did my discipline build my child's self-esteem?

8 - Be Kind and Firm at the Same Time

Suppose you have told your five-year-old child that if she isn't dressed by the time the timer goes off, you will pick her up and take her to the car. She has been told she can either get dressed either in the car or at school. Make sure that you are loving when you pick her up, yet firm by picking her up as soon as the timer goes off without any more nagging. If in doubt, ask yourself, did I motivate through love or fear?

9 - Parent with the End in Mind

Most of us parent with the mindset to get the situation under control as soon as possible. We are looking for the expedient solution. This often results in children who feel overpowered. But if we parent in a way that keeps in mind how we want our child to be as an adult, we will be more thoughtful in the way we parent. For example, if we spank our child, he will learn to use acts of aggression to get what he wants when he grows up.

10 - Be Consistent, Follow Through

If you have made an agreement that your child cannot buy candy when she gets to the store, do not give in to her pleas, tears, demands or pouting. Your child will learn to respect you more if you mean what you say.

9 Steps to More Effective Parenting

9 Steps to More Effective Parenting

Raising children is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world and the one for which you may be the least prepared. Learning “on the job” how to be a parent can be fraught with pitfalls. As advocates for children , we at the Dupont Hospital for Children want to help you raise healthy and happy children. Here are some ways to tackle your child-rearing responsibilities that will help you feel more fulfilled as a parent, and enjoy your children more, too.

1.     Nurture your child’s self esteem

Children start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through your eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression is absorbed by your child. Your words and actions as parents affect your child’s developing self-image more than anything else in his world. Consequently, praising your child for his accomplishment, however small, will make him feel proud; letting him to do things for himself will make him feel capable and independent. By contrast, belittling your child or comparing him unfavorably to another will make him feel worthless.

Avoid making loaded statement or using words as a weapons: “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” Comments like these bruise the inside of a child as much as blows the outside. Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your child know that everyone makes and that while you may not like his behavior. You still love him.

2.     Catch your child being good

Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your child in a given day? You may find that you are criticizing far more than you are complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance?

The more effective approach is to catch your child doing something right, and praise her to the skies. “You made your bed without being asked-that’s terrific!” or  “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient!” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scolding. Make a point of finding something to praise every day.  Be generous with rewards-your love, hugs and compliments can work wonders and are often rewards enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you  would like to see.

3.     Set limits and be consistent with your discipline

Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help children choose acceptable behaviors. Children may test the limits you establish for them but they need limits to grow into responsible adults. Establishing house rules might include: homework is to be done before any television privileges are granted, or hitting, name-calling and hurtful teasing are unacceptable.

You may want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents makes is failure to follow through with consequence when rules are broken. A rule without consequences is not a rule at all-it’s a threat. You can’t discipline a child for talking back one day, and ignore it the next. Being consistent sets an example of what expect from our children.

4.     Make time for your children

With so many demands on your time, it’s often difficult for parents and children to get together for a family meal, let alone spend some quality time together. However, there is probably nothing your child would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Children who are not getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they are assured of being noticed. Many parents find it mutually rewarding to have prescheduled time with their child on a regular basis. For instance, tell your child Tuesday is her special night with Mommy and let her help decide how you will spend your time together. Look for ways to connect with your child without actually being there-put  a note or something special in her lunchbox.

Adolescents seem to need the undivided attention of their parents less than younger children. Since there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teen to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities.

Don’t feel too guilty if you’re a working parent. Quantity is not nearly as important as what you do with the bits and pieces of time you have with your child. It is the many little things you do together-making popcorn playing cards and window-shopping that your child will remember.

5.     Be a good role model

Young children learn a great deal about how to act by watching you. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want him to behave when he’s angry? Be constantly aware that you are being observed by your children. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.

Instead, model the traits you whish to cultivate in your child; respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward, such as taking dinner to sick neighbor. Express thanks; offer compliments. Above all, treat your children the way you expect other people to treat you.

6.     Make communication a priority

You can’t expect children to do everything simply because you, as parents, “say so.” Children want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don’t take time to explain, children will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their children allow them to understand and learn in a non-judgmental way.

Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it to your child, express your feelings about it and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choice. Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Negotiate with her. Children who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

7.     Be flexible and willing to adjust your parenting style

If you frequently feel “let down” by your child’s behavior, it may be because you have unrealistic expectations for her. Parents who think in “should”, e.g., “She should be potty-trained by now”, may find it helpful to do more reading on the matter or talk to other parents or child development specialists. This may enable you to adjust your expectations to a more realistic level.

The environment in which your child moves also has an impact on her behavior. For example, you may be able to modify your 2-year-old’s behavior by changing her environment. If you find yourself constantly saying “NO” to her, there are surely ways to restructure her surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause les frustration for both of you.

As your child changes, you will probably have to change your parenting style, too. Many parents find it helpful at some point to draw up a “kiddie contract” to encourage good behavior and motivate their child. This can be as simple as a weekly list of chores and responsibilities posted on the refrigerator. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work forever.

Teenagers tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for examples of how to be. Continue to provide guidance and appropriate discipline while allowing your child to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection!

8.     Show your love is unconditional

As a parent, you are responsible for correcting and guiding your child. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how your child receives it. When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing or faultfinding, which undermine his self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage even when you are disciplining your child. Make sure he knows that while you want and expect him to do better next time, you love him-no matter what.

9.     Be aware of your own needs and limitations as a parent

Face it you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities, “I’m loving and dedicated”. Vow to work on your weaknesses. “I need to be more consistent with discipline”. Try to have realistic expectations of yourself, your spouse and your children. You don’t have to have all the answers be forgiving of yourself. And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do thing that will make you happy as a person and as a couple. Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being. Which is another important value to model for your children.

Tips To Choose Quality Day Care Center for Your Child

These days a number of families are there with both the parents working. Such families are very much concerned about their child’s proper care as both the parents go out for work. Child care centers are one of the best solutions in this regard. It has been proved by a latest research that about 70% of parents put their children in such places. Today such structures have been opened in almost every area to provide parents with a complete peace of mind regarding their child’s safety and care.

As a parent, it is one of your key responsibilities to ensure that your child is completely secure and happy in a child care environment full of enjoyment, learning, and development. Thus, choosing a child care center is undoubtedly a very big and important decision. No matter whether you want an in-home care, center-based care, or a preschool or any other, you need to follow some specific guidelines to ensure that your child receives quality and professional care. Below we have mentioned some tips that will help you in making such an important decision. These include:

 

 Quality of services offered

When it comes to your child’s care and safety, it becomes very important to choose a center that offers quality and reliable services. There are many centers that provide individualized attention to the child along with a chance to interact with other kids. Also, they arrange different play and learning styles, intellectual activities, etc. for a better growth and development of your child. It is good to choose one such child care school.

Budget factor

The second most important factor that should be considered is budget. No doubt, when it comes to your child care, you won’t mind paying extra amount of money. But keeping a clear picture of budget in your mind would save you from paying extra money.

Experience

Always find out for how long the child care centers has been in the business. Choose a place with right knowledge and experience in the child care domain. This ensures reliable and quality services.

Location

Location is another important factor that matters a lot. Choosing a center near a police station, hospital, fire station, etc. ensures quick access and response during any emergency.

These are some of the prominent factors that if kept in mind can help you make a fair decision regarding the selection of a quality child care for your kid. Internet provides innumerable options in this regard

First Birthday Party: Producing One For Cheap

When planning a birthday celebration, particularly a first birthday party, parents might spend hundreds of dollars. For all those on a financial budget, listed below are several ideas to produce a fantastic celebration without spending a great deal.

Party Items

It is definitely less costly to go with basic coloured party supplies, such as black napkins and white paper plates. If you purchase them at a normal food store, they have a tendency to be less costly than at the celebration supply store. Should you buy a themed character set of dishes and napkins, you have a small quantity at a high price. The majority of guests will not even recall the colour of the plates when remembering the party.

Accessories

Adorn with streamers and balloons to give the party room a joyful pizzazz at little price. Use streamers to incorporate a bit colour to the walls as well as to dangle from the doorways. These come in numerous colours and are relatively easy to set up with just a little tape.

Fill up the room with balloons in the party theme colours. These take up much space and provide the room a party ambiance. It's also enjoyable for young kids to play together. Balloons can be bought already blowup or you can rent a helium tank from any celebration supplies shop and blow the balloons up yourself. It all depends on your financial funds, your available time, and the size of your car. Mylar balloons are more expensive but tend to work for days, while latex balloons usually only last the day. Furthermore, you can have each guest depart with some balloons as a party favor, thus leaving you with a little less clean-up afterwards.

Splurge on a birthday a flag with your child's name. If you're tech smart, you can produce one using your computer. Or if you're fine with crafts, you could make your personal special banner using poster board and fresh paint.

Food

Plan to have the event in the mid-afternoon. This makes it easy to have snacks as refreshments rather than planning a full meal with the higher expense. Using larger packed items rather than individual items can save on cost. For example, make use of a large tote of chips and put in a big bowl rather than buying small individual bags for each guest.

Other Activities

Pinatas for kids are an excellent choice that serves numerous functions. They may be a point of interest for the accessories. They may be employed as an exercise for the kids to enjoy. Fill up the pinata with covered candy plus some inexpensive cheap toys and you've got your party favors. 

For all those on a constrained budget, it is possible to still create a memorable first birthday celebration with some creativity and organizing.

Baby Toys and Health effects

Generally parents do the shopping with small baby in a market so in small age baby have started to recognizing colours and shapes in little age. Some parents are passionate to do shopping for their baby before birth of the child. It is good enough because after baby born, parents occupied with lots of essential thing and look after child only. Before purchasing the toys online or from a shop consider for important things. Parents should know the harmful chemicals come in toys so it is most recommended go with trusted branded toys only

5 Rules for Teaching Your Kids Respect

If you've been searching for a truly powerful way to teach communication skills to your kids, now is the time to make it happen. The family meeting shows your children how. Look inside for 5 important rules.
Let's pretend your kids, Jack and Jessica, bring up the problem Jack's having with the bully next door. As a family, gather around the table to discuss it .The family meeting rules will help you.

First Rule - Listen with Respect:

Children are taught to listen without interrupting. They must repeat what the speaker says before they offer their thoughts.
Let's say your Jack is afraid of the neighbor boy. He's big. He's loud, and he makes fun of Jack in front of all the other children. He calls Jack “shrimp” and “fatso.” Jack runs home in tears while all the kids laugh at him, except Jessica. She runs home to be with Jack.
Imagine Jack actually listening to Jessica's ideas about the bully. Jack will even prove it by repeating her thoughts.

Second Rule - Speak with Respect:

Jack and Jessica will get the practice they need to share their thoughts clearly and with few words. They must avoid hogging the spotlight too.
Can you see Jessica, your chatterbox, give a brief explanation of her thoughts? As parents, you guide your children to listen, take turns, and follow President Franklin Roosevelt's advice, “Be sincere, be brief; be seated.”
Consider pointing to a sign which says: “Listen! Repeat! Be brief!” You'll never need to nag when they break the communication rules. You'll just point to the sign.

Third Rule - Discuss Issues Respectfully:

Let's say the bully teases Jack every day. The bully's behavior and Jack's response are the issues.
Give every family member a turn to express what they know about the bully. Find out what they think needs to be done. You'll learn important information.
Watch Jessica as she silently looks at Jack while all the members listen to him speak. You've taught her to be respectful by letting him finish his thoughts.

Fourth Rule - Vote for the Best Solutions:

Each member offers respectful solutions. This keeps each member feeling involved and caring. Discuss each person's idea. Vote for the best solutions.

Fifth Rule - Offer respectful commitments:

Each member shares a specific promise to make the bully situation better. They're respectful because they''re sincere. The commitments are written down to review the next week.

Conclusion ~ Communication Skills, Respect, and Family Meetings:

How do the above rules teach your children respectful communication skills? Kids keep quiet while another member speaks. They learn to listen. They briefly repeat in their own words what the member before them said. Then they take their turn to speak. They express themselves with few words. How respectful is that?
Of course, you will need to decide whether to step in or let the children handle the problem. Maybe you'll talk with the bully or with his parents. Maybe the school authorities will need to help. It's your decision.
Can you see how the family meeting teaches your children family unity too? They'll feel bonded within the family and protective of each other. They won't want their sibling bullied by another kid. The family meeting promotes their love. It teaches them to become confident communicators too.